Mabel is going to be a big sister….twice.
We are an “in vitro” cliche. Twins. Try for one baby by implanting 2. In fertility-speak, I am an old lady with old eggs, so two “might” get you one. Despite Erin’s fluffy young uterus, we were still using my stock which was at its peak circa 2000. So we tried 2. And the theory would have worked flawlessly, if the doctor hadn’t messed with our baby juju. With implantation device in hand, he said “Now, we only want one of these to stick.” Erin and I exchanged THAT look. The look that people exchange when some idiot tells the goalie “I feel a shutout coming on”…….before the game is over. I’m not sure why people mess with goalie juju and why our doctor decided to mess with our baby juju. But he did. So we knew. We knew there would be two babies. Even before the magic beans were shot through the cannon……we knew.
My denial lasted exactly 6 weeks.
At 7 weeks, they were on the screen. Both of them. Fluttering around like happy little tadpoles, waving to their new mommies and high fiving each other that they had officially “made it.” Erin just smiled at them. I laughed nervously to escape the tears that would come. How on earth were we going to do this? My type-A personality busting at the seams filled with thoughts of rooms, vehicles, cribs, child care……..I couldn’t breathe. All while Erin just sat there and smiled. I felt like I was standing in the eye of the storm, alone and overwhelmed. Then I fell in love.
It was exactly 3 weeks later that these tadpoles wiggled their way into my heart. Mabel and I were doing our nightime bath routine which these days ended with some naked airpline rides (Mabel….not me) followed by “jam time” and some mountain climbing (with me playing the part of the mountain). Honestly, there is something about making a toddler squeal at the top of their lungs that fills your daily cup no matter how low it is. And then it struck me. These tadpoles were more Mabels, more of us, more to love, more, more, more. I never looked back. Even my type-A personality conceded that the rest of it just didn’t matter. And these babies were going to be awesome.
Erin was already there, waiting for me on the other side. In her mind, she had already bought the minivan with the incredibly cheesy family-of-5 sticker on the back window. Plus, these babies were a part of her. I remember the feeling when I knew Mabel was a part of me, burrowed into my body, wedged in “for keeps.” A mother knows. And I guess that’s why I didn’t “know” this time. Our situation is pretty unique in that we’ve both been able to experience carrying a child (or in Erin’s case, a baseball team). It closes a gap for us as co-parents. The ability to feel that instantaneous love, connection and need to protect these baby beans (mixed in with the wild hormones) is oddly exhilarating. I am in awe of Erin’s pregnancy. It’s nostalgic to me. It’s calming. These babies are in safe hands. I can’t wait to meet them.
COMING SOON……..stay tuned!